That Little Voice

I needed to get to Circle B and I needed to flex my big lens again. It had been a couple of months since I did either and I wasn’t happy with my lazy choices.

You see, when I go to Circle B, my walk will always be a few miles. Depends on which trail I take as to exactly how many, but whatever one I choose, there is always some walking involved.

This morning, I was up early enough and arrived at the reserve around 6:15 and I was pleasantly surprised that the gate was open. I honestly thought it wouldn’t be, as sunrise was still over an hour away.

I pulled into the parking space and noticed one other car in the whole lot but I didn’t see the owner. Just as I stepped out in near total darkness, I saw a large black hog run by me.

OK, I am making it sound like he was very close and he was probably about six or eight feet away in reality. I was startled and I clearly startled him. He looked at me and I told him how gorgeous he was and then he walked away into the darkness.

When I got the lens and camera sorted and set out on foot, it was so dark I honestly couldn’t see where I was going and I inadvertently headed in the wrong direction.

Once I found a marker, I knew that I should actually be walking in the opposite direction, so I turned about and did that.

For the first five minutes, I was walking on a section that takes you in among trees and ultimately leads you to a trail which is more in the open. But for those five minutes, I could see about ten feet in front of me and that was it.

So in the middle of that., I stopped, pointed the camera at the darkness and took this shot. My eyes could see nothing but this is what the camera saw:

My eyes saw darkness with a few stars and a hint of the moon. This is what the camera saw.

This is what I love about the Sony A7 …. it’s low light sensitivity is amazing.

Unfortunately for me, as soon as I took the pic, the mosquitoes found me. I had opted to finish the bottle of spray that doesn’t work, in some stupid hope that these final squirts might actually deter the mosquitoes, but surprise … it didn’t.

This is a pure sign of abject stupidity … repeatedly trying something that you already know doesn’t work.

To say I was annoyed at myself would be an understatement. I lasted about fifteen more minutes and tried to outrun them, but it was purely miserable. Apparently their favorite food in the dark is the blood of stupid Irish people.

So as the sun started to define the sky a little, I walked very briskly back to my car, determined to go home.

I hadn’t even attached the 600 mm lens yet, but I didn’t care. The shots I took with the super wide 11 mm one would have to suffice.

When I got back to the car and jumped in, finally escaping the incessant whining noise of these savages, I had this nagging little voice in my head saying “Come on Neville. Put on the big lens and take the trail down by the lake. Don’t give up yet, there may be an amazing moment just waiting for you to capture it.”

So, being the optimist, I listened to the voice, got the big lens on the camera and headed off on the trail that leads to the lake.

Before you head off to the gallery at the end of this, let me quickly point out THE VOICE WAS WRONG … there was no amazing shot and at best the shots I got were fair to middling. But hey, they are there at the end of the blog if you want to see for yourself.


Anyway, the thought in my mind as I drove away was to do with this voice.

Sometimes it is wrong and sometimes it is right and though it was wrong this time, it might well be right next time.

So I will always listen to it.

It is part of my core system of belief that we have an inner sense within all of us that tries to tell us when something feels right or feels wrong.

We may not be able to concretely define why something might be either, but our gut feeling is nonetheless a very valid source of advice.

Of course, the voice is really just a refection of our own instinct and this instinct is mostly created based on past experiences as well as a collection of fear/flight triggers. So it is really only our own voice.

When it starts to be someone else’s voice, feel free to call your psychologist and let them know Neville sent you.

But as long as it is your own voice, then the subconscious part of you is trying to speak and you should always listen.

Yes, it will be occasionally wrong. And that is because we are not robots or computers. We are humans that sometimes make mistakes and incorrectly analyze a situation.

But not listening to your inner voice is not just stupid, it can also be quite dangerous. Don’t get in the back of that white van just because the stranger needed help.

If that happens and you aren’t hearing a little voice telling you not to do so, don’t worry. This is simply Darwinism at play and your flawed family line needed to be extinguished anyway.

To rely totally on the five physical senses you have is simply put, a foolish way to go through life. You are ignoring the benefit of your past experiences and also the experience that has been built into your DNA to warn you against certain situations.

Whenever I fail, I fail despite listening to my inner voice. I would never want to fail and then mourn how “I wish I had listened to my inner voice. I just knew it felt wrong.”

I can’t abide people who suffer some kind of a disaster and then are quick to tell you how they knew it was going to fuck up somehow.

It fucked up because you are a fuck up. You knew better but didn’t listen.

… just a thought!