With the exception of days where I have lost someone that I love, yesterday was quite possibly the worst of my life. The litany of big happenings in my day that went completely wrong is not worth repeating here. But at one stage last night, I sat down and made a list of them on my phone in case I would ever forget.
So, this morning, I genuinely woke up with no hope. The day ahead held no attraction for me. There was the initial belief that it couldn’t be worse than yesterday but then I stopped myself from saying that out loud because it might just draw the gods down upon me. Things can always get worse.
I woke desperately early and after an initial hour or two of trying to get back to sleep, I stumbled out of bed and took care of all the kitty chores. As I stood there in the kitchen, watching the Keurig fill up my cup with a steaming black hit of caffeine, I decided that I would reject the feeling of hopelessness and head down to Lake Parker.
So, I grabbed the camera with the super-wide lens and, coffee in one hand, drove down to see what twilight might bring.
I was way early and arrived there a good hour ahead of twilight. So, for quite a while I just stood there and breathed in the very fresh morning air.ujikkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkk
(sorry that was Coco stepping on the keyboard and sharing his thoughts on my writing. Everyone’s a critic around here!)
Anyway, it became obvious very quickly that the skies were getting more cloudy and not less. So if I had any hopes of some early morning magic in the skies, that was long gone by the time I reached the bottom of my cup.
I messed around with some long exposures but essentially got nothing and I have attached these nothings at the end of the blog.
At this point in the blog I always say “enjoy” but there is nothing to enjoy. Sorry.
Anyway, as I drove away from the lake, the thought for this blog took shape in my head.
See, the immediate thought in my head was that as I got nothing, it was a waste of time. But it wasn’t. We shouldn’t imagine that nothing is a negative. It isn’t a positive. But it isn’t a negative.
It’s the same as the number zero. It is neither positive nor negative.
And sometimes it is important to acknowledge that nothing is better than a negative experience. Particularly if we are coming from a negative experience.
If we are, then nothing is a shift towards the positive and we should embrace it.
Will I accept a nothing day today? Hell, yes. I just don’t want a repeat of all the negative shit from yesterday.
There may be other days when I wish and hope for something positive but just the absence of a negative can feel like a positive. It depends on our outlook.
And in general, nothing doesn’t actually mean nothing. It just means that we are experiencing a routine or casual moment.
For example, your friend calls you on the phone and asks what you are doing. “Nothing” is a common response. But were we in fact sitting there in an off mode waiting for a call to turn us on?
Your girlfriend sits beside you on the sofa and asks what are you thinking? Again we respond with “nothing” but again unless we are comatose or vegetative, that is also untrue.
“Nothing” has become a notion to describe routine or normal or average and given that our lives are dominated by such moments, it is selling life short to consider nothing a negative.
We all crave exciting and good moments and dread painful or bad moments but both happen along the way as we journey through life.
And unless you are living a completely bipolar life that abruptly flips from good to bad to good to bad, then you are actually going through many transitions of “nothing” in between.
I am inclined to think that upwards of 90% of life is routine/normal/nothing so when we find ourselves there, it is important that we acknowledge for ourselves that is nothing wrong with nothing.
It can be a good place of rest when our excitement dies down and equally a good place of rest when the bad times give us a break.
Just a moment ago, Inna called me up and asked what am I doing. I almost answered “nothing” but I paused and told her I was writing a blog about nothing.
She looked at me as if I had lost my mind. And maybe I have. But frankly that is nothing new.
… just a thought.